First Love
by Aisling Yinyr Ngaio
Summary: Post-game. When Squall and Rinoa come together in body and spirit, will they have enough knowledge between them to know what to do? Warning: Non-explicit sexual themes.


**First Love  
**_An FFVIII fanfic by Aisling Yinyr Ngaio_  
_Pairing: Squall x Rinoa_

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It wasn't his fault he didn't know what to do. Neither of us did. After all, we were both virgins that night, that fateful night when we celebrated our victory over Ultimecia. Of course, I didn't know it then. Somehow I had the assumption that anyone above 16 (except me) has had some, and it was past time I remedied my situation, particularly since I'd found my soul mate. We were together at the balcony, a little away from the main party. We were looking for shooting stars together, then he smiled at me, kissed me, and one thing led to another…

I can't remember if it was his idea or mine to adjourn to his room. For obvious reasons, we didn't want to retreat to the double dorm I shared with Irvine (which I found out later quite by accident that they were Squall and Selphie's old dorms). Our interactions instantly hitched up a notch the moment the door closed behind us. The sweet scent of success and happiness were running deep in our veins as we kissed each other passionately. Our clothes were somehow removed along the way, and then I was unceremoniously deposited on his bed.

That was when I had a good look at him, as he did the same. While he smiled and whispered, "Beautiful" before descending on top of me to resume our kiss, I wasn't so sure. I mean… I've sneaked some peeks at Zone's magazines while he wasn't around, but surely… surely there had been some mistake about a man's private parts! How is _that_ supposed to come inside me?

True to my bewilderment, though our foreplay was sheer, utter bliss – I didn't know I could feel like that just with Squall's hands tracing places I'd never explored before – his entry was really, really uncomfortable for me. Surely we can't _fit_, for Hyne's sake! And then pain as I've never experienced before knifed through me as he broke a barrier within me with one thrust. I might have screamed, for Squall looked absolutely panic-stricken in the next moment, and kept asking if he should stop. What could I say? Despite looking worried at my pain, I could see that it was taking an enormous amount of control for him to even pause as he sought reassurance from me. Besides, the pain was fading after awhile, so I shook my head, and kissed him again as he started to move.

It was a bit uncomfortable at first, as some remnants of the pain still remained no matter how much I convinced myself that it was all right. But Squall seemed to really get into it as he drove himself into me over and over again. Gradually, I began to feel it too, the wonderful sensation I felt before he entered me. I was just feeling a little more than excited when Squall suddenly gave a shout of triumph and spurted his seed deep inside me. I was disorientated at first. I mean, was that it? Was that what's so great about lovemaking? As Squall slumped, satisfied, on top of me, the first thought I was capable at the moment was that it probably was, but only for men.

I felt Squall nuzzling my neck, and a moment of uncertainty hit me. Should I tell him what I felt? I didn't want to rock the boat on our already fragile relationship, even though it had improved by leaps and bounds from where we started. But I couldn't just keep this to myself, and I'll have to admit in hindsight that it was partly because I felt so cheated of the pleasure I was expecting to receive. There _had_ to be a reason why women enjoyed lovemaking as well as men…

"Squall…"

"…Mmm?"

"I… could you move?"

I think it was a testament to our emotional bond that he knew immediately. Raising himself on his arms, he looked into my eyes and asked gravely, "You didn't enjoy it, did you?" Faced with the direct question, I could only answer with the truth.

"I don't understand. Is it just me? Am I not…" I almost felt like crying as I tried to understand what was going on. Squall continued to look at me silently, then withdrew from my body and reversed our positions so that I was curled on top of him. It was a torturous eternity before he finally broke the silence, "Frankly, Rinoa, I… don't know… I've never actually… done this before…"

At that confession, I sat up fully and said disbelievingly, "_No_…" But even as I said that, I knew it to be true. I doubt the loner in him allowed him to seek the comfort of someone else's arms after he'd been so determined to live without relying on anyone else, ever. But the way he made me feel, at least the first part of it… how did he know?

He grimaced when I voiced my query and, to my surprise, blushed hot crimson. Almost as if he was confessing to a sin, he muttered, "I uh… was bored one day… and I sort of… uh… looked through the "Girl Next Door". The one we uh… got from Timber Maniacs… Umm… I think we gave it to Zone while you were…"

I couldn't have stopped my grin for a million Gil. So Squall looked through the naughty magazine, did he? I wonder what other secrets my lover had been keeping from me. He grumbled when he saw my huge grin, "Well, it was _mostly_ correct, technically. I probably won't know the first thing to do with you otherwise."

Huge mistake.

Despite my earlier disappointment, this was just too hilarious, especially with it coming from Squall. I started to chuckle, then gave up and just laughed out loud. Squall, not knowing how, and having to learn from _those_? Squall, the strict, by-the-book commander sneaking peeks out of magazines that had him facepalming back in FH? My laughter was cut short when a pair of lips cut off my source of oxygen. That quickly, mirth changed into desire. After a few minutes, he pulled back and smirked, "What was that again, Rinoa?"

Curse the man, he knew his kisses scrambled my wits… what was I saying again?

Looking very smug, he dove back into my mouth. We could've stayed there forever, but then I felt his member hardening again against my stomach, and I pushed him back a little, fear returning.

"Squall… what if it's going to… hurt every time? It didn't at the end; in fact it started to feel good again, but…"

He was silent again, as he thought about a topic in which he was as much a novice as I. Then, choosing his words carefully, he said, "Maybe… maybe I should've waited till you peaked, but I couldn't control… you were so tight…" He sighed. "We wouldn't know until we find out from a more credible source; I think we can safely say this isn't something to be learnt from… perhaps we should take a rain check on that one." Lying back down, he tugged me on top of him again. For a while, we lay together, almost contentedly, our Griever necklaces touching. Then, as if he was only subconsciously aware of doing it, he began to toy with my breast. Soon, I was quite warm from the fondling, and tried to hide my response by kissing his neck. I could feel him smile as he whispered softly from above me, "You like this, hmm? All that stuff before I…"

"Squall…" I tried unsuccessfully to stifle a moan in his chest as his hand…

"Hmm… what about… this?"

It just amazes me until today how much a man like my Squall can pick up from just flipping through a magazine, and learning from my responses. Needless to say, although we didn't try any more penetrative sex that night, we had other things that kept us from sleep until the dawn.

* * *

As it turned out, we discovered that we didn't have to worry about anything, after I visited Dr. Kadowaki for a private chat and had a lot of misconceptions straightened out (but really, who could blame us since we had no better source of information than Zone and Irvine's magazines?). I could tell she was itching to deliver a lecture, since Garden did have a "no promiscuous behaviour" rule, but I think she knows that I would only be with one person, and he with me. Despite the reassurance from the good doctor, it was another month before we felt comfortable enough to try different, more adventurous positions, but after that, time together became absolute bliss, even on the nights when we were too tired to do more than cuddle up and fall asleep in each other's arms. I am constantly surprised by Squall's resourcefulness and alarmingly fast learning rate, even in the lovemaking department, but then he has always been an excellent student, and I am so happy to be able to learn along with him. I don't think Cid was even surprised when I told him I didn't need my dormitory any longer. I suspect he knows that I (and even Irvine, for that matter) haven't actually used it for long after Ultimecia was defeated.

We are to be married tomorrow, Squall and I. But to me, we were already wed when we made the promise to be there waiting for one another, all those months ago, in front of Edea's flower field. After all, whoever said that heaven was easy to achieve? But every single step we take there is definitely worth the happily-ever-after.

– _Finis –_

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**Author's Note:**

If the lovemaking scenes sound weird to you, it would be because, well, I AM A VIRGIN TOO! :D Anything I type out is a mixture of hearsay and readings, so I can kinda empathise how they *points up* would feel during their first time together, had I not have access to the internet (Asian mentality about sex is "out of sight, out of mind" + "don't pollute minds until the wedding's eve"). Oh, and apologies if the quality seems poor. It just seem like a really good idea when I first brainstormed *cringes* Not to mention the grammar errors that come from trying to write in a first person POV *double cringes*

I do not believe that Seifer and Rinoa ever had a romantic relationship during her sixteenth summer. Rather, I think she idolised him, believing herself to be in love, and he lapped that up, being the cocky, arrogant BS that he is. :)


End file.
